Stress

I want to talk about stress.

Stress is one of those unavoidable human flaws, that, at some point, we all feel. There are some things we can do to try to prevent and lift stress, but remaining 100% stress free is just something as humans we can’t do.

I recognise that there are some people in life that are generally more resistant to stress, and some who are better at dealing with it. Psychology might identify these people as having a “type B” personality – such laid-back individuals are usually characterised by their patience and generally relaxed attitude to life.

It’s quite safe to say that I do not fall into this category.

Instead, I am one of those who seems to be permanently wired, for goodness knows what reason. I am easily emotionally excitable, meaning I’m equally (and extremely) susceptible to hyperactivity and excessive panic. My perpetual frenzy probably drives my friends mental, but it’s very much a part of who I am, and I can only hope that they’ve learnt to love it – or at least accept it!

But acceptance is one thing. Living it out (or putting up with me!) is quite another. While there are aspects of my own personality that I’ve come to love over the years, being the stresshead that I am causes a multitude of problems. Not only am I susceptible to stress but also I am terrible at dealing with it, finding it often makes me feel/be sick, causes me physical pain (usually in the form of headaches and stomach aches) and can make me feel overloaded or even depressed.

I’m writing this blog post because I know I’m not the only one – far from it. I don’t know the statistics but I’m well aware that there is a huge proportion of A level students (and university students and GCSE students and mothers and fathers and grandparents and workers and so many others) across the country suffering from stress. Severe or otherwise, on a daily basis or otherwise, stress is a painful and damaging thing, and that’s something I completely appreciate.

Often, if you complain to someone about stress, you’ll hear this:

“Well, a little bit of stress is a good thing, right?”

To an extent, they are right. I’m referring again to my limited AS level psychology knowledge when I say that studies by psychologists have found positive effects of experiencing moderate levels of anxiety. A small amount of stress (due to release of chemicals like adrenaline and noradrenaline in the brain) can make us feel more alert, and act motivationally to help us get things done, which is the reason some people really do work their best under pressure.

But I’m not talking about this sort of “stress”, because really, when we talk about being stressed, that’s not what we’re talking about. The knowledge somewhere in the back of your mind that you need to get something done is different to the huge weight in your consciousness which not only reminds you how “badly” you’re doing, but prevents you from improving your situation.

There are very few examples of physiological illnesses in which the body turns on itself and increases its own problem. Sepsis is the sole illness I know of which does this. It’s a terrible disease which causes the body to attack itself. Again, I don’t know the statistics, but I do know that sepsis accounted for an almost unbelievable proportion of the deaths recorded during both the first and second world war.

Within psychological illnesses, however, the mind seems to be constantly out to get itself. Most psychological and emotional disorders are characterised by vicious cycles, and I think everyone who has ever experienced stress (so, everyone) can testify that stress is very much a problem which very much goes round in circles: if you’re stressed because you’re behind on your workload, you find yourself in no fit state to work, your workload gets bigger, your stress increases. You can’t sleep, you’re in no fit state to work, your workload gets bigger and your stress increases. The cycle continues.

Obviously, I’ve said everyone has suffered from stress and we’re not all walking round like zombies, nor have we all died of cardiac arrests, so the cycle must be breakable, which brings me to the point of my very long post – how do we break that cycle?

Here is a list of nuggets of wisdom and various tips and tricks, relevant for varying levels of stress, I’ve learnt from experience and wonderful people over the years, geared towards workload-related stress but hopefully applicable to all kinds of stress!

1. Just stop. When everything is screaming at you that you’ve got a million things to do and that taking a break will be the absolute death of you, prove yourself wrong. Taking a break will not be the death of you. By “a break”, I do not mean stop for 5 minutes and take an ibuprofen for the raging headache, then get moving again, I mean truly stop.
2. Make a list. This helps for some people, and not for others. Lists of things to do may look too scary and freak you right out – or alternatively, they can help you to prioritise and put a structure in your head of how you’re going to get everything done.
3. Have a cup of tea. Maybe you’re not a tea fan, in which case don’t have a cup of tea. I’m just a massive tea-drinker so I reckon this is important.
4. Call your friend. I don’t know if you have that particular wonderful friend who you always run to when you’re panicking. If you don’t, figure out who that person is. This friend is willing to help you and would never pile on any extra stress. Having a friend there to help you with step 2 is really helpful, as an outsider is usually more likely to be able to help you decipher what’s important.
5. Allow yourself to sleep. Sleep shouldn’t be sacrificed for anything that doesn’t make you happy. Yes, that means that while staying up until 3am because you were having an awesome DMC with a friend or because you went to an amazing party is ok, but staying up to write an English Lit essay because you had loads of homework that night and couldn’t fit it in is not. Sleep is important, and missing it for something that will only make you miserable is a no-no.
6. Prioritise your own emotional health. Your mental and emotional health comes before almost all else. Including an A* grades and your teachers’ insistence that the essay is due on Monday. You are number one. Look after yourself and your health and you’ll do better in the end.
7. Exercise. If you’re like me, you make a bit of a face when you think about going into the outdoors and being active, but I can’t count the amount of times that I’ve been stressed out and have cycled round the block for 20 minutes and felt ten times better.
8. Keep doing the things you like to do. Over my AS study leave period, I stopped doing so many things that I love doing – reading, sewing, baking, ice-skating, writing, playing squash, arts and crafts, playing my clarinet. This was silly, as these are all things that can act as a great outlet for anxiety, and will probably increase your productivity when you get back to work.
9. Everything you do is a bonus. This is just a wonderful bit of wisdom from a wonderful friend (who just so happens to be my amazing “number 4” friend). When I’m out of my depth in work, this friend always tells me not to focus on what I’ve failed to do – “What you haven’t done means nothing. Everything you have done is a bonus”. I hope he doesn’t mind me sharing this with you because it’s just such a wonderful perspective that has so helped me in times where I’ve felt like I’m drowning in work!

I’m aware this post has been very long so thank you so much for taking the time to read it and I hope some of my comments can be applied to life and provide something of a help!

For the Christians out there, I’m adding a Christian-related extension to this advice onto my other blog, footstepsandforgetmenots.blogspot.com about God and stress so please do check that out when it’s up.

Love and peace

(Yes, peace. Like, not stress),

Lizzie xxx

O Dewy Youth (Part One: What Makes Me The Same)

My blog posts have had a focus not only in this blog, but also in my old blog, Little Rays Of Hope, on being my own person. I've talked a lot about refusing to conform to the norms and  being different if you feel like being different.

And I totally stand by all that. I am completely FOR individuality and being who you want to be, of daring not to care, daring to be whatever takes your fancy.

But I have not, and do not deny that I am still a teenage girl.

At times, I can be a very typical one, too. I'm dramatic and hormonal. I suffer ridiculous mood swings. I cry when I'm angry. I cry when I'm hurt. I cry when I'm tired, stressed, hungry, when my pen runs out. I cry when people are nice to me and I cry when I'm betrayed. I cry when I'm happy. I get grumpy. I waste hours of my life reading empty-headed magazines and watching equally empty-headed television programmes.

I wear shoes that hurt my feet. I eat too much chocolate. I wear clothes that look terrible on me. I have regrets, from wishing I hadn't spent that 65p on a packet of Skittles to yearning to have time back to prevent a broken heart.

I rebel against things people in authority tell me to do because at my age, that's what I'm programmed to do. If it's petty, I'll go out of my way to disobey. But I'll be subtle. I'll be sneaky. You'll never even know.

I gossip. I'm cruel.  I do things wrong, I look back at night and I hate myself for it.

Then I wake up the next morning, and somehow, I end up doing it all over again.

I know I'm not alone in any of those things. I know that there are many teenage girls that feel exactly the same about all that I've just said. My only hope is that they also feel the same way about what I'm about to say.

I love my life.

I'm allowed to make mistakes, because I'm growing up. And even when I'm 80, I'll still be allowed. Because I'm still growing up. That's what life is, don't you know? A perpetual learning curve. We're all just growing up.

The tears are superficial. That vicious cycle that so many girls my age feel stuck in? It doesn't define us. There are other things that make us teenage girls.

Like the way I fall in love with that boy in the library who smiled at me. Little does he know that in that moment, I'm making plans. He's my present and my future and I'm in love.
 I'll never see him again, and I'll forget him again within a few minutes, but in those moments, my heart will skip and my teenage girl head will dream.

I can stay up until three in the morning talking about everything and nothing and loving it. I can talk on the phone for hours. I can be up all night dreaming about something, or someone.

I dream of kissing in the rain. It's the ultimate, stereotypical, delightfully reckless endeavour. It's ridiculous. Us Brits spend half our time avoiding the rain, yet something about kissing in the rain grips so many teenage girls worldwide.

I think it's the recklessness we love most. Maybe we're subconsciously very aware of the fact that growing up might mean settling down. So we live with this permanent adrenaline rush.

And that's why I think my generation should love being the age we are now. We're dysfunctional in our own crazy, wonderful way. We hurt ourselves like anything. Most of the time we're doing stupid things and making ridiculous mistakes. 

But it works. We're loving, we're living and we're learning and I couldn't ask for anything more.