My blog posts have had a focus not only in this blog, but also in my old blog, Little Rays Of Hope, on being my own person. I've talked a lot about refusing to conform to the norms and being different if you feel like being different.
And I totally stand by all that. I am completely FOR individuality and being who you want to be, of daring not to care, daring to be whatever takes your fancy.
But I have not, and do not deny that I am still a teenage girl.
At times, I can be a very typical one, too. I'm dramatic and hormonal. I suffer ridiculous mood swings. I cry when I'm angry. I cry when I'm hurt. I cry when I'm tired, stressed, hungry, when my pen runs out. I cry when people are nice to me and I cry when I'm betrayed. I cry when I'm happy. I get grumpy. I waste hours of my life reading empty-headed magazines and watching equally empty-headed television programmes.
I wear shoes that hurt my feet. I eat too much chocolate. I wear clothes that look terrible on me. I have regrets, from wishing I hadn't spent that 65p on a packet of Skittles to yearning to have time back to prevent a broken heart.
I rebel against things people in authority tell me to do because at my age, that's what I'm programmed to do. If it's petty, I'll go out of my way to disobey. But I'll be subtle. I'll be sneaky. You'll never even know.
I gossip. I'm cruel. I do things wrong, I look back at night and I hate myself for it.
Then I wake up the next morning, and somehow, I end up doing it all over again.
I know I'm not alone in any of those things. I know that there are many teenage girls that feel exactly the same about all that I've just said. My only hope is that they also feel the same way about what I'm about to say.
I love my life.
I'm allowed to make mistakes, because I'm growing up. And even when I'm 80, I'll still be allowed. Because I'm still growing up. That's what life is, don't you know? A perpetual learning curve. We're all just growing up.
The tears are superficial. That vicious cycle that so many girls my age feel stuck in? It doesn't define us. There are other things that make us teenage girls.
I wear shoes that hurt my feet. I eat too much chocolate. I wear clothes that look terrible on me. I have regrets, from wishing I hadn't spent that 65p on a packet of Skittles to yearning to have time back to prevent a broken heart.
I rebel against things people in authority tell me to do because at my age, that's what I'm programmed to do. If it's petty, I'll go out of my way to disobey. But I'll be subtle. I'll be sneaky. You'll never even know.
I gossip. I'm cruel. I do things wrong, I look back at night and I hate myself for it.
Then I wake up the next morning, and somehow, I end up doing it all over again.
I know I'm not alone in any of those things. I know that there are many teenage girls that feel exactly the same about all that I've just said. My only hope is that they also feel the same way about what I'm about to say.
I love my life.
I'm allowed to make mistakes, because I'm growing up. And even when I'm 80, I'll still be allowed. Because I'm still growing up. That's what life is, don't you know? A perpetual learning curve. We're all just growing up.
The tears are superficial. That vicious cycle that so many girls my age feel stuck in? It doesn't define us. There are other things that make us teenage girls.
Like the way I fall in love with that boy in the library who smiled at me. Little does he know that in that moment, I'm making plans. He's my present and my future and I'm in love.
I'll never see him again, and I'll forget him again within a few minutes, but in those moments, my heart will skip and my teenage girl head will dream.
I'll never see him again, and I'll forget him again within a few minutes, but in those moments, my heart will skip and my teenage girl head will dream.
I can stay up until three in the morning talking about everything and nothing and loving it. I can talk on the phone for hours. I can be up all night dreaming about something, or someone.
I dream of kissing in the rain. It's the ultimate, stereotypical, delightfully reckless endeavour. It's ridiculous. Us Brits spend half our time avoiding the rain, yet something about kissing in the rain grips so many teenage girls worldwide.
I think it's the recklessness we love most. Maybe we're subconsciously very aware of the fact that growing up might mean settling down. So we live with this permanent adrenaline rush.
And that's why I think my generation should love being the age we are now. We're dysfunctional in our own crazy, wonderful way. We hurt ourselves like anything. Most of the time we're doing stupid things and making ridiculous mistakes.
I think it's the recklessness we love most. Maybe we're subconsciously very aware of the fact that growing up might mean settling down. So we live with this permanent adrenaline rush.
And that's why I think my generation should love being the age we are now. We're dysfunctional in our own crazy, wonderful way. We hurt ourselves like anything. Most of the time we're doing stupid things and making ridiculous mistakes.
But it works. We're loving, we're living and we're learning and I couldn't ask for anything more.
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